trau·ma
A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or
an accident. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting
damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.
An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.
By Trace Hentz (adoption survivor)
After many years, in many quiet moments, I recognize that being adopted has affected me very deeply.
In
my case, the day my mother left me, how she never came back, my world
changed. All I knew as this newborn baby was my own mother was not
holding me, nursing me, talking to me. I was devastated by that. Broken.
Part of my brain shut down. That pain was too much.
That
very early experience needed to be processed as stress and trauma much
later as an adult. No one explained this to me, not even a doctor. As
an adult I understand that a church/adoption agency places an infant
with new parents and society says this is good and permanent. Good? Good
for who?
Years pass and I accept this happened to me and my early trauma scars me.
This monumental loss of my mother cracks me open and I am left to survive it, or not. No one explains
that I need to grieve this. I figure it out. After years pass, I
finally understand. This experience affected me in complex ways. This
pain has layers and layers and layers.
But
for others to tell me adoption was good for me? What? Or how I need to
accept this is "adoption." Accept it? Are they kidding? My scars are
invisible but they are there. I know they are there. I call this my Invisible Storm of Trauma!
How
Catholic Charities took possession of me, handled me, first placing me
in an orphanage then foster home, with no regard for my physical health,
or my trauma-ridden emotional body, this speaks to the inhumanity of
child trafficking and the traumatic consequences of adoption for the
infant. This speaks to the inhumanity of the deadly colonization of
Indigenous people whose children were taken from them, calling us stolen
generations. This speaks to a society that only sees what it wants to
see.
Once adopted, you’re erased, an outsider, a stranger to your own nation, lands and people. I prefer to think of my younger self as brainwashed.
The
bonding I had made with those mystery foster parents was also broken.
How Catholic Charities and other churches and adoption agencies did this
to millions of babies has consequences. This leaves millions of
adoptees in the state of trauma, a stranger being raised by strangers,
and a stranger to your first family.
Adoption
is a cruel and inhumane way to treat an infant. A very sick society
would do this. And removing me from my own mother affected me in ways
that are now measured and defined as post-traumatic stress disorder, or
reactive attachment disorder, or severe narcissistic injury...and this
explains how I was unable to bond with my adoptive parents.
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