By Trace (Lost Bird Adoptee)
I am not a medical professional, or a doctor, or lawyer…and I am not offering a magic pill or legal advice or any medicine… I just know what I did.
Adoptees do heal - even without all the answers they desperately want. It is possible. Tell your guilt you are not looking for parents - just looking for answers, for truth.
I’ve heard this from other adoptees: Help as many adoptees as you can with their guilt. (Yes, guilt)
Adoptees can release damaging emotions in a safe way, in a ceremony, in a church, or in a prayer. It could possibly take years, not a few sessions of talk-therapy. For Split Feathers, get to a ceremony.
I tell my adoptee friends, “You may never find all the answers but you can wake up. You can tell your side of the story. You need ceremony. Get support. Laws need to be changed. History will never change the facts you were let go or taken away from your parents. The government did what it did....”
In my situation, I had a reunion with my dad almost 20 years ago. I never met my mother. I have been to ceremonies.
My advice to those going into reunion is: “A reunion doesn’t guarantee you’ll hear what you expect or feel all better. Many adoptive parents and natural parents can’t handle it. They have no idea the pain adoption caused you and they do not want to take responsibility for it. Once you meet your birth family, mother, father, siblings, you decide what to keep and what to leave behind. You have the opportunity to make your own decisions for the first time in your life. You create a safe zone and safe home for yourself. You become your own parent. You decide who to let in and who to let go. In other words, you heal.”
I'll also share this advice given to me: “Living in a state of consciousness of love keeps you balanced, no matter what life throws at you. The ego’s consciousness is cloudy (foggy) and keeps you out of your heart. The ego also keeps you in a state of procrastination. Being in the center of your chest brings energy to your being in the now, thus stopping procrastination.”
Love yourself. Drop the Guilt. Find the Truth.
(Adoptees who are interested in attending ceremony in 2017, email me: firstname.lastname@example.org)