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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Facebook ablaze with #BABY VERONICA

By Trace A. DeMeyer

Facebook is ablaze with comments about the loss of Baby Veronica. All of us adoptees are in a state of shock, disbelief and grief. We imagine the Capobiancos are celebrating (or posing for pictures). Levi, an adoptee who contributes to this blog posted this:

Levi EagleFeather Well folks, looking on the bright side if there is such a thing. I'm really proud of all of you even though you don't know me. The fight is just beginning! We're just beginning to get organized and starting to come together. Remember there are a lot of us whose adoptions never so much as saw the light of day! I think this might be a turning point for a lot of us. It's good to see you all so pissed off. I think that's a good sign really. When I was taken away, Mom and Dad didn't have much of a chance to fight and all the rellys were back pedaling hoping they weren't next. That was way back in the sixties, way before ICWA. Dad died from the shame of not being able to protect his blood and Mom well... she's still a bit lost under the weight of it all. I know losing one, hell losing any, of our kids is terrible. We're not points on a scoreboard like the dominant culture plays us to be. But I've been around awhile at least long enough to see and know that you, especially my sisters, your hearts aren't on the ground anymore like our grandmothers and mothers were after the massacres, forced boarding school days and early adoption era. I can see that pretty clearly. I think it's because we've all been away and we've learned that they're human beings too even though they might have forgotten. Plus we know a little bit more about how they think and yeah we're learning how to fight fire with fire. Us Brothers gotta learn all over again how to fit in, but we can fight too. I think its important for us all to understand that as individuals we have limitations but together our only limits are the strength of our connections and our collective will. Anyway, don't forget to breathe, the fight aint over yet. Adoption hasn't gone away and neither will we. I'm sure of that!

Well said, Levi. People ask how can this happen? Adoption is an industry, a money-making machine. But with this beautiful little girl, with Baby Veronica, a new war has begun in Indian Country.

I wanted to share an excerpt from my memoir ONE SMALL SACRIFICE:

State Secret
            After my 1958 adoption hearing in a Wisconsin courtroom, I was legally re-named Tracy Ann and handed to Sev and Edie DeMeyer.
            Trained as foster parents, Edie and Sev, my mom and dad, had tried to have their own babies but couldn’t. Adopting me meant they’d have their family, first me, then hopefully a boy.
            Amid the oohs and ahhs of this joyous occasion, had my new family considered my heredity, or the egg and sperm that created my body, and my DNA? Had anyone considered what I’d experience being thrust into a sea of new faces?
            No, they celebrated. They had no idea I was devastated by the loss of my own mother.
            Edie and Sev knew they had a big job ahead, raising me and Joey (who they named Joseph William). They assumed we’d be OK. No one said otherwise.
            They didn’t know (or seem to care) who I really was.  My Indian blood was secret. We did not talk about it.
            Obviously I’d adapt. Their identity would become my identity.
            As a teenager, I decided to open my adoption. I knew it would require patience and probably miracles.

(to be continued)

And I want to add Cassi's blog post A FAMILY DESTROYED - please read: here


  1. Trace, one thing I am wondering about this stupid decision that the judge made, is that if Dusten is getting any visitation at all to see Veronica? I can't seem to find that information anywhere. Do you know? It makes me so mad that the judge didn't even talk to Veronica for one minute to see what she wanted. I don't think he or she card. Just more proof that this child is being used. Thx for any answers you can give.

    1. Thanks Anonymous - as far as I know, Dusten asked for visitation and may have "supervised" visits in SC with his daughter. You see, open adoptions are a farce. Nothing can force the Capobiancos to allow visits - laws in SC do not enforce the adoptive parents to allow Dusten to see Ronnie. If I find out more details, I will post them.

  2. Open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable in any state. Once an adoption has been finalized, the adoptive parents hold all of the legal control. As such, adoptive parents can cease contact with the natural parents at any time. Adoptive parents are not legally bound to uphold any contact with the natural parents.

    What this means is that yes, if the Capobiancos decide that they no longer want Brown in their lives (Veronica included), they would be fully in their legal right to cease contact with him and cut him out as soon as the press is no longer paying attention. It will all be at their discretion once the adoption was finalized.
    From the Lost Daughters blog - Julie S.

  3. That is very sad Trace. It is not Dusten who needs to be supervised (and what a horrible insult!) it is the Capabiancos because they are imo very emotionally ill. I cry for Veronica and Dusten because this nightmare did not end for them. I just hope someday, somehow he gets her away from them eventually. He isn't giving up, so I won't give up hope. You have done an amazing job writing about this case Trace. Thxs for all the information, this is a great blog.

    1. Thank you Anonymous. The voices and thoughts of adoptees are not usually heard or read by the public so this blog was created to give us a voice. Thank you for the beautiful compliment.


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Indian Country is under attack. Native tribes and people are fighting hard for justice. There is need for legal assistance across Indian Country, and NARF is doing as much as we can. With your help, we have fought for 48 years and we continue to fight.

It is hard to understand the extent of the attacks on Indian Country. We are sending a short series of emails this month with a few examples of attacks that are happening across Indian Country and how we are standing firm for justice.

Today, we look at recent effort to undo laws put in place to protect Native American children and families. All children deserve to be raised by loving families and communities. In the 1970s, Congress realized that state agencies and courts were disproportionately removing American Indian and Alaska Native children from their families. Often these devastating removals were due to an inability or unwillingness to understand Native cultures, where family is defined broadly and raising children is a shared responsibility. To stop these destructive practices, Congress passed the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

After forty years, ICWA has proven to be largely successful and many states have passed their own ICWAs. This success, however, is now being challenged by large, well-financed opponents who are actively and aggressively seeking to undermine ICWA’s protections for Native children. We are seeing lawsuits across the United States that challenge ICWA’s protections. NARF is working with partners to defend the rights of Native children and families.

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where were you adopted?

where were you adopted?

To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.