I gave this interview some time ago but my thoughts still stand...Trace
Take a read:
Excerpt:
Interview with Australian blogger ONCE WAS VON in 2011
old link: http://eag-oncewasvon.blogspot.com/search?q=One+Small+Sacrifice
Trace DeMeyer published her first book ONE SMALL SACRIFICE on the Split Feathers, the children taken
from the First People of Turtle Island or the United States of America as it
was renamed by those who claimed it. The Split Feathers (adoptees) were taken for
education and for adoption in planned destruction of their Peoples. Many have
not been found or found their way home. Trace includes the story of her own
journey and tackles the difficult areas of adoption and the adoptee experience.
Von: In your life was there a pivotal event that changed you from
being a victim of adoption to a survivor?
Trace: That is a great question because lots of people won’t
recognize there is a definite shift from victim to survivor.
When laws restrict opening adoption records, these policymakers make us
victims. There are many adoptees ready to know their family name, meet
relatives and have reunions, but cannot because of adoption laws. Other
adoptees, lulled by gratitude, may fear upsetting their adoptive family, and
may not see themselves as victims of a corrupt unjust system.
The adoptee moves from victim to survivor when they decide to break the law,
when they decide to regain and restore their own identity, and get their name.
That’s a giant leap forward.
My becoming a survivor happened in stages, in a sequence of events. As a
child I grieved. I promised myself as a teenager that I would find answers but
it looked impossible with sealed records in Wisconsin. I felt overcoming my low
self-esteem was first. In my 20s, I realized there would be “emotional
processing” I’d need to do, slowly, over time. Opening my adoption records was
very important in 1978 but troubling since I had no help to locate my parents.
This was before the internet. I also had to face reality that I might not find
them or my parents might not be willing to meet me. I never met my mother Helen
which felt like a second rejection in the 1990s. I was almost 40 when I met my father
Earl in 1994. Reunions (or not having a reunion) take time to process. Over the
years, other adoptees were great teachers for me since there are no guidebooks
for dealing with adoption trauma. There is so much to understand, obviously.
Writing my memoir, remembering everything again and adoption research
changed me most – like a light bulb went on. I started to see adoption as an
industry and a measure of control over a mother’s maternity and placed orphans
in a state of emotional disgrace. Recognizing adoption as an institution, one
that has outgrown its purpose, one that is damaging for mother and child, was
perhaps my biggest transforming moment.
Von: You say in your book, that adoption involves many traumas, not
just the one of the loss of a mother. Many of the things that happen to us, the
damaging relationships, breakdowns and illness result from those traumas. How
do we move from being vulnerable, to strength and survival?
Trace: In my book, I mention four distinct traumas for adoptees and I
know there are more. Adoptee and natural parents are vulnerable to the billion
dollar adoption machine that still manipulates us. I felt manipulated.
Restricting us from meeting, laws which prevent our meeting, then add a dose of
shame, judgement and misunderstanding, all deeply affects and even harms
adoptees. I do write about this in depth in “One Small Sacrifice.”
Adoption is very isolating. Many adoptees like me suffered in silence. I see
many adoptees create stories for their missing parents. If they do not know the
truth, and never meet them, adoptees can stagnate emotionally and get trapped
in illusions, lies and excuses. That is a very hard way to live. It’s very
difficult to tell an adoptee what to do, or how to heal and overcome this
vulnerability. I took small steps on my own and finally realized that there was
only one solution – find the truth.
A closed adoption is the ultimate act of disruption. Because of my disgrace
and orphan-status, I was not living emotionally well. I was not empowered as a
human since the very act of adoption removed my identity. I made a decision to
not live this way or accept the fantasy-land my adoptive parents and adoption
industry created for me. I had to open my adoption, period. I would not give
up.
It took me a long time to see how I failed myself with very troubling
decisions and blamed Helen my birthmother for misery I had as a child. I fought
the idea of being a disgrace. I fought feeling rejected by Helen when I finally
found her. I fought very hard to heal myself, know myself and release judgment.
Even as a teenager, I thought it was ridiculous to be expected to live a
fantasy and project gratitude.
Finding the truth and meeting relatives moves you from feeling vulnerable to
empowered, from victim to survivor.
(to be continued) How much I changed (Part 6) #Starved into submission #Food Insecurity #Occupied Tribes
a blog for and by American Indian and First Nations adoptees who are called a STOLEN GENERATION #WhoTellsTheStoryMatters #WhyICWAMatters
it's free
Reference Material
- THE COUNT 2024
- NEW! Help for First Nations Adoptees (Canada)
- How to Open Closed Adoption Records for Native American Children (updated 2021)
- LOST CHILDREN BOOK SERIES
- Split Feathers Study
- The reunification of First Nations adoptees (2016)
- You're Breaking Up: Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl #ICWA
- Indian Child Welfare Act organizations
- About the Indian Adoption Projects
- How to Search (adoptees)
- THE PLACEMENT OF AMERICAN INDIAN CHILDREN - THE NEED FOR CHANGE (1974)
- NEW: Study by Jeannine Carriere (First Nations) (2007)
- NEW STUDY: Post Adoption (Australia)
- Dr. Raven Sinclair
- Laura Briggs: Feminists and the Baby Veronica Case...
- Bibliography (updated)
- Adopt an Elder: Ellowyn Locke (Oglala Lakota)
- TWO NATIONS: Navajo (Boarding School)
- GOLDWATER
- Survivor Not Victim (my interview with Von)
- Adoption History
- GS Search Angel Site 2024
- OBC ACCESS 2023
- FREE REGISTRY (sign up at ISRR)
- Genealogy\Indian Affairs 2021
- What is ICWA (2023)
- About Trace
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You are not alone
To Veronica Brown
Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.
Diane Tells His Name
60s Scoop Survivors Legal Support
GO HERE:
https://www.gluckstein.com/sixties-scoop-survivors
We conclude this series & continue the conversation by naming that adoption is genocide. This naming refers to the process of genocide that breaks kinship ties through adoption & other forms of family separation & policing 🧵#NAAM2022 #AdoptionIsTraumaAND #AdopteeTwitter #FFY 1/6 pic.twitter.com/46v0mWISZ1
— Adoptee Futures CIC (@AdopteeFutures) November 29, 2022
ADOPTION TRUTH
As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.
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