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Saturday, August 2, 2014

How much I changed (Part 3) #PAL (positive adoption language)

By Trace A. DeMeyer  (start calling me Lara)  PART THREE

For the next week or so I am trying to give you a recap of what this blog is about, adoption history and the eye-opening research I did since 2004.  (It's like you and me taking a college course without paying the hefty tuition.)

Let's look at some of the terminology:

LDA= Late Discovery Adoptee (an adoptee who was not told they were adopted and somehow find out later) (many are in a state of shock, feel lied to, disappointed)

PAPs= Potential Adoption Parents (what some call Mr. and Mrs. Entitlement: we are entitled to a baby, we are infertile, we paid money and/or we are good Christians) (some use fundraising blogs) (most convinced they save an orphan)

APs= Adoptive Parents (though the amended (falsified) birth certificate lists them as biological parents which is not true) (legal parents)

AMom- Adoptive mother/mom

BM= Biological Mother, Birthmother, "Real" Mother (makes some Amoms angry), First Mother, Breeder Mother and Tummy Mummy.

A lucrative satellite industry has grown from the term “birthmother.” The billion dollar adoption industry promotes “Birthmother Packages” (offering everything from all expense paid trips to designer maternity wear), “birthmother” jewellery,” birthmother” stationery, “birthmother” gifts, and more.  Marketing firms aid prospective parents in drafting “Dear Birthmother Letters” designed to  catch the attention of a vulnerable pregnant woman in a sea of desperate infertile couples. If lucky enough to catch one, she is referred to as “Our Birthmother” similar to their car or other chattel. [SOURCE

This new language (PAL) not only psychologically destroys the existence of the natural mother, but also became a tool in the arsenal of the adoption industry for use on pregnant youth and women for coercion. By labelling a pregnant woman a “birthmother” BEFORE birth, the adoption industry had a new, powerful weapon in hand. She's a breeder and you buy from her. 

I found a new word: Adoptimist (an agency that connects expectant women considering adoption and qualified adoptive parents.) How clever of them!

To me the P stands for PROPAGANDA!

Example of terms used in Positive Adoption Language (PAL)

Non-preferred: PAL term: Reasons stated for preference:
your own child birth child; biological child Saying a birth child is your own child or one of your own children implies that an adopted child is not.
child is adopted child was adopted Some adoptees believe that their adoption is not their identity, but is an event that happened to them. ("Adopted" becomes a participle rather than an adjective.) Others contend that "is adopted" makes adoption sound like an ongoing disability, rather than a past event.

give up for adoption place for adoption or make an adoption plan "Give up" implies a lack of value. The preferred terms are more emotionally neutral.

real mother/father/parent birth, biological or genetic
The use of the term "real" implies that the adoptive family is artificial, and is not as descriptive.

natural parent birth parent or first parent The use of the term "natural" implies that the adoptive family is unnatural, and so is not a descriptive or accurate term. Although it can be seen as unnatural to conceive and relinquish children, the purpose is to present the adoption of those children in need as natural. The term "natural" in its origin means a family by the natural means of conception and birth and its primal bond which exists by itself since the beginning unless it's severed.

your adopted child your child The use of the adjective "adopted" signals that the relationship is qualitatively different from that of parents to birth children.

EXTRA CREDIT: I want you readers to google birthmothers seeking adoptive parents - it's all adoption agency and industry propaganda - you might be amazed! Over 70,000 hits!

How much I changed (Part 5) #adoptionsurvivors
(to be continued)

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To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.


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As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.

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