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Monday, November 15, 2021

Triggered #NAAM2021


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By Trace Hentz (blog editor)

The internet is full of adoptees writing (some yelling) about their loss. Like on twitter: Being Adopted Means @Being_Adopted

We know the loss is real.  Our ability to grieve is difficult and different for an adoptee.  It shapes us but perhaps biggest is the loss of mother.

The loss and grief are a constant, a background noise in your spirit. You don't wake up one day and say the loss is gone. It changes you in many ways, and makes you question "can I make this internal anguish stop?"  Being an adoptee becomes your theme song.  It never goes away.

This month is Nati onal Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM2021) and if you read twitter or other social media, you may find yourself triggered at all the loss and pain adoptees are sharing.  It happens to me.  It happens every year in the month of November especially. When I started writing about adoption, I had never heard of being triggered.  It means you have a bad sad hurt feeling. The pain seems bigger whenever I read ADOPTEE VOICES.

Something and someone is missing in your life. That affects you. That triggers you.  Reaching out to other adoptees and reading what they say can make you feel less alone. That is also the reason this blog exists. You are not alone. There are hundreds (millions) of us. We needed to find each other and it worked. (Social media helped.)

There is no doubt that American Indian and First Nation and Aborigines in Australia were the target of cultural genocide.  Children were stolen, children were sent to strangers, our identity was erased. To deny this now is absurd. It happened. Even if the people who write history didn't tell us.

This blog or website is for you to find others. And learn what happened. It may be triggering, of course.

For me, finding out why my mother Helen gave me away to strangers, this did not magically end the trauma and loss I feel and felt. 

Every relationship an adoptee has will be affected.  I asked other adoptees. The overwhelming sense of loss lies under the skin, in the brain, in the heart. That loss can't be grieved in a way like when you lose a relative to death.

I can only say I try to be kind and remind myself I am OK now, I am safe now. I go minute by minute...

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