By Trace L Hentz (formerly DeMeyer)
I think about integrating
parts of my persona that were buried or stunted or created as an adoptee
growing up with strangers.
Last week I had posted on Facebook how I experienced huge chunks of
CRAZY, had patterns of unhealthy behavior and even how big blocks of
memory seemed hazy or gone. This does not make me any different (or
better off or worse off) than others. If I am to heal myself, I need to
know and see how I coped as this little girl who lived in fear and
confusion.
My thoughts now? My crazy hazy chunks of time were in fact
self-preservation – it was the only way I could handle what I had to
face to avoid fracturing or destroying my delicate developing mind. (And
this did happen to others living in a dysfunctional setting in
childhood.) I am now aware I had various coping tools, as did my
friends. One of the best tools was a vivid imagination. Another one:
listening to the small voice inside, a voice of sanity and clarity.
Another tool was determination. I was determined to survive and very
determined to create a safe environment for myself as a young adult,
when I could move physically and emotionally away from where I was
raised. I was determined to open my adoption and find my relatives and
my ancestry. I never lost that determination. I grew strong.
I had a conversation a few days ago with co-author Patricia [Our anthology is Two Worlds: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects] about this process of integration, how we created little people who could handle situations, a character and persona
tougher than us – and now as grown-ups, these little people are no
longer needed. I am not suggesting we had multiple personalities. That
is too psycho-speak for us. As babies and toddlers, we were confronted
with strangers who called themselves our parents and they had their own
instability. (Both of us had an alcoholic parent). Their imbalance
caused our childhoods to be terrifying and unstable. That can put us in a
situation of weakness and vulnerability. Our real fears made us very
unstable and untrusting.
We chose to survive so we had to be creative in some way. Being
creative is an outlet for a grief this enormous. Patricia is definitely
an artist and I was a musician – and we both kept journals.
Add to that we are abandoned as infants and not nurtured and denied
the bonds with our mother-creator. That also created an instability and
frailty that carried forward from childhood to adulthood. This trauma is
called the PRIMAL WOUND. Read Nancy Verrier if you are curious.
Remember the movie The Three Faces of Eve? Though Eve was an adult, she had created personalities who could stand-in for her. One movie that terrified me was SYBIL.
Sally Fields played a child who was terribly abused and created
numerous personalities who stood in for her while she underwent the
abuse. In therapy, these movie characters found out they had created
stand-ins, what I call the little people. When they are no longer needed
they can melt away. Or integrate back into the soul.
Split
Feathers, what American Indians call adoptees or their lost children,
have this integration challenge. It has nothing to do with being crazy,
though adoptees tell me they feel like they acted crazy in trying to
deal with the strangers who raised us. I don’t see how we could not be
crazy. What other method would work? We had to be split.
Patricia and I are both Native adoptees. We know this history now.
We know it’s historical trauma in our DNA. We know we have the tools to
heal this ourselves.
Even as kids we could see we were very different from our stranger parents, yet adoption forced us to pretend, be good and show we were grateful. Isn’t that crazy?
Anyone who questions the Adoption Cartel (and their propaganda and billions in profit) will be called crazy.
What is crazy are the people who believe “adoption” works so well.
How a closed adoption is good – that is crazy. Punishing a woman for
having a baby while unmarried and forcing her to give up her child –
that is crazy. Sealing our adoption records – that is crazy. Giving
people the idea they can buy an orphan – that is crazy. Believing an
adopted child won’t want to know the truth or find their birth relatives
– that is crazy.
There are couples right now holding a bake sale, asking their friends
to raise money so that they can adopt an orphan. That is crazy –
dangerously crazy! Read The Child Catchers if
you want the truth about orphans (and how many of these children are not
orphans at all but have living parents!! They are sold into adoption as
a commodity.)
The fact is adoption is human trafficking. If a child is taken from
their natural parent(s) and sold to strangers, that is trafficking. If
money is exchanged for children and babies, that is trafficking. If
lawyers and judges and adoption agencies charge money to handle babies
for sale, they are trafficking in humans.
I do write this as a survivor of human trafficking, what was a closed
adoption that I opened. I write this from a place of sanity and
balance, after years of working on myself, knowing myself, finding my
relatives, and yes, learning the truth.
No, I am not crazy.
a blog for and by American Indian and First Nations adoptees who are called a STOLEN GENERATION #WhoTellsTheStoryMatters #WhyICWAMatters
Reference Material
- THE COUNT 2024
- NEW! Help for First Nations Adoptees (Canada)
- How to Open Closed Adoption Records for Native American Children (updated 2021)
- LOST CHILDREN BOOK SERIES
- Split Feathers Study
- The reunification of First Nations adoptees (2016)
- You're Breaking Up: Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl #ICWA
- Indian Child Welfare Act organizations
- About the Indian Adoption Projects
- How to Search (adoptees)
- THE PLACEMENT OF AMERICAN INDIAN CHILDREN - THE NEED FOR CHANGE (1974)
- NEW: Study by Jeannine Carriere (First Nations) (2007)
- NEW STUDY: Post Adoption (Australia)
- Dr. Raven Sinclair
- Laura Briggs: Feminists and the Baby Veronica Case...
- Bibliography (updated)
- Adopt an Elder: Ellowyn Locke (Oglala Lakota)
- TWO NATIONS: Navajo (Boarding School)
- GOLDWATER
- Survivor Not Victim (my interview with Von)
- Adoption History
- GS Search Angel Site 2024
- OBC ACCESS 2023
- FREE REGISTRY (sign up at ISRR)
- Genealogy\Indian Affairs 2021
- What is ICWA (2023)
- About Trace
- Home
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Friday, December 13, 2013
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You are not alone
To Veronica Brown
Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.
Diane Tells His Name
60s Scoop Survivors Legal Support
GO HERE:
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We conclude this series & continue the conversation by naming that adoption is genocide. This naming refers to the process of genocide that breaks kinship ties through adoption & other forms of family separation & policing 🧵#NAAM2022 #AdoptionIsTraumaAND #AdopteeTwitter #FFY 1/6 pic.twitter.com/46v0mWISZ1
— Adoptee Futures CIC (@AdopteeFutures) November 29, 2022
ADOPTION TRUTH
As the single largest unregulated industry in the United States, adoption is viewed as a benevolent action that results in the formation of “forever families.”
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.
The truth is that it is a very lucrative business with a known sales pitch. With profits last estimated at over $1.44 billion dollars a year, mothers who consider adoption for their babies need to be very aware that all of this promotion clouds the facts and only though independent research can they get an accurate account of what life might be like for both them and their child after signing the adoption paperwork.
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Great post, Trace ~ I remember having many experiences of hazy, foggy, numb emotions and times of interaction in my childhood and even adult life. Adoptees use so much emotional energy navigating disenfranchised grief and thoughts. It is a lonely existence, but so thankful for voices like yours and our other adoptee brothers and sisters who are breaking the silence and bringing healing.
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